Tuesday, February 21, 2012

"it's just too hard to obey!"

We had another 3-yr-old-speaking-louder-truth-volumes-to-mama,
than the other way around, moments the other day.
The little Bug was on mama's bed,
rifling through small choking-hazard items on daddy's nightstand, 
desperately searching for her fav-o-rite 1/8 of a piece of Extra gum.
After much searching (as I'm laying beside her watching the frantic search), 
which ended in futility, she discovers a handful of coinage!
Jackpot!
Only because this mama has had personal experience as a 5 yr old herself, 
swallowing a nickel that had to be surgically removed,
there may be a little heightened paranoia sensitivity 
to playing with small metal valuable round objects in this home.
Anyways, off the point.
Just giving you the scenery.
So, as little one is huurahing with her handful of richness, this mama quickly replies with a...
"Honey, we don't play with money, so please put that back in daddy's junkbox right now."
There may have been a firm tone behind those words spoken.
This mama doesn't mess around with niceties when it comes to choking hazards. 
Especially shiny ones.
The little one quickly obeyed, knowing coins are seriously off-limits in this house 
and that mama reeeeeealy meant business.
Only her response really shocked me,
It wasn't the typical 3-yr old rant of injustice and absolute disgust
with the mama for thwarting her little, but BIG will.
She all out broke down,
but with tears and a heart and cries of absolute defeat
and of one that felt the weight of the world completely crushing her.
I knew it was a different response
so my mama-heart didn't respond immediately to the rebellion
but started questioning the broken-hearted sound,
knowing there was more to the story behind the tears.
"Baby, I need you to use your words and let me know why you are so upset
about not finding gum and having to put those coins back.
What's going on babe? Tell me more."
All I could hear out of defeated mama-heartwrenching sobs were the words...
"it's just too hard!"
"Oh baby, what's too hard?? Tell me more about it."
"it's just too hard to obey!! i don't like to obey!"
More deep breath-stealing sobs ensued.
Oooohhhh, so there was more to the story!
The mama light turned on and I realized
it wasn't just simply that we were out of her favorite gum supply
or that she couldn't play with the coins as she was hoping I'd delight her with...
she was down and out broken-hearted that it was so hard to obey mama
and she just flat didn't want or like to do it.
(yet still chose to do it even in her sheer determination not to...
only GOD folks, could step into moments like that.)
Ohhhhh my, does this mama understand that very real and strong-feeling'd logic.
And isn't there really always more to the story with them? 
More to get to the heart of?
More to help them dig and discover?
Because don't we need that in our grown-up "training to be like Jesus" bodies too?!
Someone to help us dig a little deeper to really see/know what's eating at us,
 more than the small issue in front of our faces?
So, I proceeded...
"Baby, I SO get it. I SO struggle to obey/like/even want to, often, with my Heavenly Father too.
Do you know that Jesus asks mama to do things, and there are times when I want to just shout 'NO!
I don't like that plan. You need to pick another one that fits me and what I like better. I want to play with that thing that isn't good or dangerous for me. I want to have what I want the minute I want it.
I don't want anyone standing in the way of my will and my ways. Don't you get that Jesus?!'
You are NOT alone baby, mama struggles with feeling sad sometimes too,
because to obey, is never the easy way.
But it's always the better way. The safer way. The more fun way.
The more rich way. The more full way. The worth-all-the-hard-work way.
And SOOOOOO, do you know how we talk about you needing to pray
to ask for Jesus to help you obey the things mama and daddy ask you to do
to keep you safe and well and healthy and in a good relationship with us?
Do you know that mama has to pray that He would help her heart obey every day too?!
For different reasons, but the same way.
Can I pray with you honey?
And we can ask Jesus, together, to give us the hearts and the want-to, to obey?
Will you pray for mama too, as I pray for you?
We need each other's prayers and we need God's help."
And we proceeded to go to the GRACE room together,
asking for help in our time of need.
Side by side, admitting our weakness and our dislike sometimes of His ways
(mama and daddy's ways) but knowing that...
HE loves us.
He wants the best for us for our good and His good too.
and therefore we've got to trust Him.
but, really need His help to do so.
Now, I don't know how much of this convo this wee 3 yr old mind
really can grasp or will remember.
(I'm sure I'll find out after the next visit to Mimi's house, my mom's,
cuz that's when all the stuff from home really seems to seep out best.)
But I know I just have to keep being real with her.
Keep reminding her that mama needs Jesus just like she does.
And keep taking us both to that grace room,
asking for all His heavenly wisdom and strength and patience and love
for the obedience and training and molding and loving shaping this wee one needs.

This little trio image that I shot the other day really struck a chord,
after we had survived out little crying out and go-to-Jesus moments together... 
Isn't that just like how our Heavenly Daddy wants us to trust Him in our grown-up training up?
Enough that we let Him put our hands on the "club of life" to do our part,
but tenderly puts His great big and wise and powerful hands over ours
and really ends up doing the bulk of the work for the swing?
And that's when the shots really do end up making it in the hole
with ease and beauty and grace, isn't it?!
I think so.
I think the Bible tells us so too...

"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him."
-Phil. 2:13, MSG 

Let's keep begging Him for this grace to obey...for us mamas and the littles in our lives.

3 comments:

Jayne said...

ok I am bawling. What a beautiful sensitive heart! Those words are what we as adults often think but maybe don't say out loud! Wow powerful stuff there, I love how God uses our children to teach us valuable lessons!

Captivated said...

beautiful!

The Boggs Family said...

I love that you are always looking for those heart-softening-point-her-to-Jesus opportunities to train/love/show/ through His grace & by example of your own life rich in Him.